It needs to be fleshed out and explained, but I've got the main idea out. So there.
It wasn't sure how long it laid there in the growing pool of it's own blood or how long the beating had lasted. Master must have been really angry this time, not judging by the severity of the punishment, but by the strategic manner in which he struck. Each blow more painful and shocking than the last.
The poor creature knew nothing beyond this existence, didn't even know of death or to wish for it because it had endured a mockery of life. It wasn't born. If it had had a mother, she could only be known as science. A blasphemous conglomeration of DNA thrown into a head on collision with man's curiosity.
It must have lost consciousness, because when it awoke, it's wounds were bandaged. But this was part of the cycle, to be a target, then healed, only to be a target once more. It learned never to fight or else the pain was only increased. And thus was it's existence.
Until she came.
She had taken it away from the dankness, had removed the shackles, cleaned and bound it's hurts, but most importantly, she had given it a name, an identity, a gender. He.
She was his goddess. Kindness, gentleness, they weren't words, they were actions that were not pain and he grew accustomed to the not-pain. But hurt was still apart of his life and it wasn't until it befell his goddess, that he became aware that he could administer as well as take it. He became aware of his sheer size, and her dwarfed form in comparison. He knew his strength was colossal and hers fragile.
He knew those who had harmed her would never touch her again, just as she would never wake again. After that, nothing really mattered.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Angela :Beginnings
Drake's eyes were still the same striking blue of his youth but, age had crept into the corners and settled into the molds of time. Fine lines of laughter, worry, and anger fanned out, betraying his years. Whether he wished to admit it or not, he felt them piling on top of one another. Joints creaked, old scars ached, and bones popped more than he was used to.
The past had been an adventure, filled with horrors and wonders, close calls and landslide victories, love and hate, life and death...
Death. He mulled the word over in his well oiled mind. Dissected it, bisected it, savored its bitter taste and let the hollowness that never truly fades consume a small piece of his being. Perhaps it had continued to leech further into him than he'd care to ever admit, but now was the moment that he brought himself to face it, to question it, to wonder...
Beyond his reflection in the glass was the sole occupant of a holding room. It was agonizingly sterile and white. It hurt to stare for too long. But stare he did, until he committed every ebony curl to memory, every dark lash, the gentle curve of her beak, the threaded scars on her arms, five fingers on each hand, every detail down to her perfectly formed webbed feet.
An I.V. was the only keeper of time.
Within his heart, a war was raging. It was impossible not to know who she was, who she belonged to. The sketchier points led to what had she become during her fifteen years in that forsaken place? And what was she doing here? Now? And in the condition they had found her?
A more painful, maybe even pitiful question remained, Why had this one lived? Why had she been spared when someone far more deserving, far more loved, far more and so desperately wanted, had been lain to rest before knowing her first breath? Why was this spawn of horror spared?
"Ahem."
Drake tore his gaze away from the containment unit and forced his tired eyes to focus on the assistant in front of him. She shifted nervously and seemed unsure how to start.
He gave a half a smile with half the usual warmth. "I find it's easier to just spit it out."
"You were right," she let out in a gush, handing him the lab results so quickly it was as if they somehow burned. "Her DNA is a perfect match. There's no way to deny it."
He merely looked at the paper without really processing anything that was on it. And that was fine because as the assistant had stated, he'd already known. The DNA test was simply procedure.
He found his voice again, "Will she regain consciousness?"
"I-I don't know, sir. The injuries she sustained were...traumatic. We can't have any idea what her mental state is or was. Physically, she's stabilized and at this point, waking up is entirely up to her."
He pondered on this for a moment before saying, "Thank you." The assistant didn't leave.
"Sir, if I may?" He nodded. "Go home to your wife, get some rest. As blunt as this may sound, its not everyday that your alter-ego from another universe spits their kid into your lap. Considering your-" She noticed his flinch and corrected herself, "Considering the circumstances, sir, I think it would be best to spend sometime away from SHUSH. At least until you've decided on what you think should be done."
His nod was numb, but it was all that she knew she could expect. "M.E.G.A.N?"
She stopped on her way towards the door and turned. "Sir?"
His grin was wry, "What would you do?"
She blinked and looked at the young woman laying prone behind the glass. Drake joined her. "Gather more data. I believe with this situation, you are too close. It's too personal. One can jump to conclusions based upon false assumption, no matter how accurate it may appear at a given time. Yes, we are more than aware of her biological origins and that alone gives us a reason to exercise caution, but is that proof enough to condemn her? If that is the case, I should be disassembled at the earliest convenience."
The logical thought process of a government official embraced the advice as sound, but the wounded heart of a grieving father demanded vengeance from someone, anyone. M.E.G.A.N was right. He was too close, to tangled in this to be objective. If he was going to approach this situation, he'd have to do it as he always did, from every angle.
"What should I tell Morgana?"
His assistant A.I. stared at him as though he'd grown another head, "Sir, you and I both know that omitting the truth is the same as lying in Morgana's book. Tell her the truth. I don't want to have to train your replacement."
The past had been an adventure, filled with horrors and wonders, close calls and landslide victories, love and hate, life and death...
Death. He mulled the word over in his well oiled mind. Dissected it, bisected it, savored its bitter taste and let the hollowness that never truly fades consume a small piece of his being. Perhaps it had continued to leech further into him than he'd care to ever admit, but now was the moment that he brought himself to face it, to question it, to wonder...
Beyond his reflection in the glass was the sole occupant of a holding room. It was agonizingly sterile and white. It hurt to stare for too long. But stare he did, until he committed every ebony curl to memory, every dark lash, the gentle curve of her beak, the threaded scars on her arms, five fingers on each hand, every detail down to her perfectly formed webbed feet.
An I.V. was the only keeper of time.
Within his heart, a war was raging. It was impossible not to know who she was, who she belonged to. The sketchier points led to what had she become during her fifteen years in that forsaken place? And what was she doing here? Now? And in the condition they had found her?
A more painful, maybe even pitiful question remained, Why had this one lived? Why had she been spared when someone far more deserving, far more loved, far more and so desperately wanted, had been lain to rest before knowing her first breath? Why was this spawn of horror spared?
"Ahem."
Drake tore his gaze away from the containment unit and forced his tired eyes to focus on the assistant in front of him. She shifted nervously and seemed unsure how to start.
He gave a half a smile with half the usual warmth. "I find it's easier to just spit it out."
"You were right," she let out in a gush, handing him the lab results so quickly it was as if they somehow burned. "Her DNA is a perfect match. There's no way to deny it."
He merely looked at the paper without really processing anything that was on it. And that was fine because as the assistant had stated, he'd already known. The DNA test was simply procedure.
He found his voice again, "Will she regain consciousness?"
"I-I don't know, sir. The injuries she sustained were...traumatic. We can't have any idea what her mental state is or was. Physically, she's stabilized and at this point, waking up is entirely up to her."
He pondered on this for a moment before saying, "Thank you." The assistant didn't leave.
"Sir, if I may?" He nodded. "Go home to your wife, get some rest. As blunt as this may sound, its not everyday that your alter-ego from another universe spits their kid into your lap. Considering your-" She noticed his flinch and corrected herself, "Considering the circumstances, sir, I think it would be best to spend sometime away from SHUSH. At least until you've decided on what you think should be done."
His nod was numb, but it was all that she knew she could expect. "M.E.G.A.N?"
She stopped on her way towards the door and turned. "Sir?"
His grin was wry, "What would you do?"
She blinked and looked at the young woman laying prone behind the glass. Drake joined her. "Gather more data. I believe with this situation, you are too close. It's too personal. One can jump to conclusions based upon false assumption, no matter how accurate it may appear at a given time. Yes, we are more than aware of her biological origins and that alone gives us a reason to exercise caution, but is that proof enough to condemn her? If that is the case, I should be disassembled at the earliest convenience."
The logical thought process of a government official embraced the advice as sound, but the wounded heart of a grieving father demanded vengeance from someone, anyone. M.E.G.A.N was right. He was too close, to tangled in this to be objective. If he was going to approach this situation, he'd have to do it as he always did, from every angle.
"What should I tell Morgana?"
His assistant A.I. stared at him as though he'd grown another head, "Sir, you and I both know that omitting the truth is the same as lying in Morgana's book. Tell her the truth. I don't want to have to train your replacement."
Friday, March 20, 2009
Castle of Nations Brain Burp
Castle of Nations characters are not mine. This is just my mind chewing on possible plot bunnies. Red's older sister is another product of my twisted imagination, everyone else belongs to Unknown.
Climber wasn't sure what drove him in this particular direction. He was usually content to stay by his wagon or in hiding, but tonight something else called to him. Much to the mannequin's surprise he found that the path he was on lead to Castle. Being one of the more quieter residents of the dilapidated them park, he paused. One didn't usually see Castle unless something was wrong or unless one wanted to talk. Climber shifted a bit anxiously, he had a habit of asking many questions, but that didn't automatically make him a conversationalist. And nothing was really wrong, except that he missed Clarice. However, he learned to keep his attachment to the human to himself.
Non-distinct noise met his ears and he listened. Funny, it sounded like talking. Curious he went forward. Castle's voice was recognizable immediately, but the female voice was one he couldn't place. For one spliced second he hoped it was Clarice, but this woman's voice was low and somewhat gravelly, not Clarice. Still he moved on until he came to the clearing. Cautious he remained in the line of the trees to watch.
As the woman moved in and out of his field of vision, Climber froze. Another human, she had to be. But, but how? Something within him begged to be closer. While Castle's side of the conversation carried, the woman's reply did not. After a few more minute of fidgeting, he crept closer until the words made sense. Well, sort of. He didn't know what a "lawyer" was or what "condemned" meant.
The woman was as furious as her cropped red hair and Climber was glad that he had distance between himself and her enthusiastic body language. He cringed even further when he saw the cigarette in one hand.
"So, they will be coming in three days?"
"Supposedly. That's what the lawyer said."
"And who is the heir?"
She took a long drag from the white cylinder and held it. Smoke began to trickle from her nose and Climber was reminded of a dragon mulling over its next victim. "That's just it Castle, no one wants this place, for obvious reasons. The "unsolved" murder of my sister being just the tip of the iceberg."
"You do have my apologies for that incident." Castle sounded genuine, but as a an architectural structure, it was hard to tell.
Climber tried to think of any murders that he knew of. He'd heard stories about Karl's musical tutor. All he knew about her was that she had red hair and played the violin. The other rumors about her he dismissed. Karl hated humans, so why in the name of the Ferris Wheel would he go and fall in love with one? Love was still a vague concept to Climber anyway, he was just starting to understand friendship and loneliness.
The human threw back her head and laughed. It was a bitter sound. "Perhaps you are." She flicked off the excess ash. "But that doesn't change much. Besides, she was a big girl, she got herself into this place, she just wasn't big enough to get herself out. Too much of a dreamer, she was. Wouldn't know danger if it bit her in the ass."
"Or slit her throat." Castle sounded amused and sad at the same time.
Climber expected her to be angry. Broken humans that couldn't be fixed weren't funny, at least not in his mind. He didn't know what a sister was, but it sounded important, like a friend. Maybe it was even more important. Instead, her face softened as she placed a hand on one of Castle's stones.
"This ordeal is changing you, old friend."
It was a long while before Castle responded, "You must forgive me, Victoria. I have forgotten much of...my humanity. I only know that some comments are inappropriate."
Victoria's full mouth pulled into a frown. "It could have been any of us."
"I remain grateful that this lot fell to myself, and that you were not here that day and that you have not deserted me."
Silence ensued as Victoria snuffed out her cigarette.
"What will you do about the demolition crew?"
She grinned a wolfish grin, "I'll get creative. Maybe they'll get the point that this place is cursed."
"You humans are rather thick."
"This coming from a castle."
More silence and Climber was starting to become uneasy.
"Victoria, do you still remember my name?"
"Yes, do you want to hear it?"
"No. It would be too cruel. Will you continue to bear it for me?"
"Of course. Do, do any of the others show signs of remembering?"
"No, perhaps it's more merciful that way."
"It'll be dawn soon, goodbye, my friend."
"Farewell, Victoria."
Climber understood little but it was enough to set him fidgeting. He fled as memories assaulted him. They were of the food court as usual. The only difference was that he sat among the humans he remembered watching and a he saw a mannequin on the wall, climbing up and down, up and down.
Climber wasn't sure what drove him in this particular direction. He was usually content to stay by his wagon or in hiding, but tonight something else called to him. Much to the mannequin's surprise he found that the path he was on lead to Castle. Being one of the more quieter residents of the dilapidated them park, he paused. One didn't usually see Castle unless something was wrong or unless one wanted to talk. Climber shifted a bit anxiously, he had a habit of asking many questions, but that didn't automatically make him a conversationalist. And nothing was really wrong, except that he missed Clarice. However, he learned to keep his attachment to the human to himself.
Non-distinct noise met his ears and he listened. Funny, it sounded like talking. Curious he went forward. Castle's voice was recognizable immediately, but the female voice was one he couldn't place. For one spliced second he hoped it was Clarice, but this woman's voice was low and somewhat gravelly, not Clarice. Still he moved on until he came to the clearing. Cautious he remained in the line of the trees to watch.
As the woman moved in and out of his field of vision, Climber froze. Another human, she had to be. But, but how? Something within him begged to be closer. While Castle's side of the conversation carried, the woman's reply did not. After a few more minute of fidgeting, he crept closer until the words made sense. Well, sort of. He didn't know what a "lawyer" was or what "condemned" meant.
The woman was as furious as her cropped red hair and Climber was glad that he had distance between himself and her enthusiastic body language. He cringed even further when he saw the cigarette in one hand.
"So, they will be coming in three days?"
"Supposedly. That's what the lawyer said."
"And who is the heir?"
She took a long drag from the white cylinder and held it. Smoke began to trickle from her nose and Climber was reminded of a dragon mulling over its next victim. "That's just it Castle, no one wants this place, for obvious reasons. The "unsolved" murder of my sister being just the tip of the iceberg."
"You do have my apologies for that incident." Castle sounded genuine, but as a an architectural structure, it was hard to tell.
Climber tried to think of any murders that he knew of. He'd heard stories about Karl's musical tutor. All he knew about her was that she had red hair and played the violin. The other rumors about her he dismissed. Karl hated humans, so why in the name of the Ferris Wheel would he go and fall in love with one? Love was still a vague concept to Climber anyway, he was just starting to understand friendship and loneliness.
The human threw back her head and laughed. It was a bitter sound. "Perhaps you are." She flicked off the excess ash. "But that doesn't change much. Besides, she was a big girl, she got herself into this place, she just wasn't big enough to get herself out. Too much of a dreamer, she was. Wouldn't know danger if it bit her in the ass."
"Or slit her throat." Castle sounded amused and sad at the same time.
Climber expected her to be angry. Broken humans that couldn't be fixed weren't funny, at least not in his mind. He didn't know what a sister was, but it sounded important, like a friend. Maybe it was even more important. Instead, her face softened as she placed a hand on one of Castle's stones.
"This ordeal is changing you, old friend."
It was a long while before Castle responded, "You must forgive me, Victoria. I have forgotten much of...my humanity. I only know that some comments are inappropriate."
Victoria's full mouth pulled into a frown. "It could have been any of us."
"I remain grateful that this lot fell to myself, and that you were not here that day and that you have not deserted me."
Silence ensued as Victoria snuffed out her cigarette.
"What will you do about the demolition crew?"
She grinned a wolfish grin, "I'll get creative. Maybe they'll get the point that this place is cursed."
"You humans are rather thick."
"This coming from a castle."
More silence and Climber was starting to become uneasy.
"Victoria, do you still remember my name?"
"Yes, do you want to hear it?"
"No. It would be too cruel. Will you continue to bear it for me?"
"Of course. Do, do any of the others show signs of remembering?"
"No, perhaps it's more merciful that way."
"It'll be dawn soon, goodbye, my friend."
"Farewell, Victoria."
Climber understood little but it was enough to set him fidgeting. He fled as memories assaulted him. They were of the food court as usual. The only difference was that he sat among the humans he remembered watching and a he saw a mannequin on the wall, climbing up and down, up and down.
Friday, May 30, 2008
To Tame a Spark 08 ?
The last thing Maria could coherently remember was leaving Megavolt's cell in one piece and sending her samples to Megan Quackman through J. Gander's secretary as instructed. She was then deemed too sleep deprived to even consider driving herself home. A kindly doctor, whose name eluded her at the moment, escorted her to a quiet employee lounge with a couch. She barely heard the apology about all the beds being taken in this wing. Her body just wasn't used to the graveyard shift and she was soon fast asleep...And thrown into a chaotic mess.
Again, a random series of fragmented dreams assaulted her from all sides, most about Megavolt. Sometimes she was a spectator, other times she saw what Megavolt saw, and sometimes he was cowering before her in small ball begging her to stop hurting him. The streets of Brazil in Rio after dark loomed over her, haunting her still. Two men were dragging her kicking and screaming, no one came. Then she was running, holding her side, blood seeping between her fingers while bullets whizzed past. Somewhere some laughed. Electricity was humming idly behind her eyelids and deep in her bones. It whispered her name...
She sat up with a gasp just as the lights went out.
Darkwing sped through the black hallways towards the holding cell. Top priority was to keep Megavolt contained and that job had fallen to him. The corners of his beak pulled upwards in a predatory grin. This was where he belonged, where he thrived. Hooter's offer still dangled before him mockingly and he shoved it to the side. An eerie green light glowed up ahead marking his destination. Drawing his gas gun, he approached with caution. Perhaps J. Gander was feeling his age, but Darkwing was still in his prime.
Quinton fought with the squirming doctor until he'd finally lost his patience and clubbed McCain over the head. Even with the now dead weight on his shoulder he was making good time. He made it to his destination and froze. The two doors were a mound of melted metal.
His phone went off. Flipping it open he said, "Boss, we got ourselves a problem."
J. Gander was being briefed by Grizlekoff. "Are you sure?"
"Dat is what Ms. Quackman said, direcktor. Three guards as undercover. She also said to you this."
Again, a random series of fragmented dreams assaulted her from all sides, most about Megavolt. Sometimes she was a spectator, other times she saw what Megavolt saw, and sometimes he was cowering before her in small ball begging her to stop hurting him. The streets of Brazil in Rio after dark loomed over her, haunting her still. Two men were dragging her kicking and screaming, no one came. Then she was running, holding her side, blood seeping between her fingers while bullets whizzed past. Somewhere some laughed. Electricity was humming idly behind her eyelids and deep in her bones. It whispered her name...
She sat up with a gasp just as the lights went out.
Darkwing sped through the black hallways towards the holding cell. Top priority was to keep Megavolt contained and that job had fallen to him. The corners of his beak pulled upwards in a predatory grin. This was where he belonged, where he thrived. Hooter's offer still dangled before him mockingly and he shoved it to the side. An eerie green light glowed up ahead marking his destination. Drawing his gas gun, he approached with caution. Perhaps J. Gander was feeling his age, but Darkwing was still in his prime.
Quinton fought with the squirming doctor until he'd finally lost his patience and clubbed McCain over the head. Even with the now dead weight on his shoulder he was making good time. He made it to his destination and froze. The two doors were a mound of melted metal.
His phone went off. Flipping it open he said, "Boss, we got ourselves a problem."
J. Gander was being briefed by Grizlekoff. "Are you sure?"
"Dat is what Ms. Quackman said, direcktor. Three guards as undercover. She also said to you this."
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Yuriko Old Plot Bunny
More TMNT, but this is kind of a reject. I lost the part I didn't care for and this is, well, I guess this is okay, but I really just couldn't get Yuriko right.
The dull pad of my stockinged feet fell limp on my ears as I continued to balance bandages and tea on the metal tray. My reflection blinked back at me with a schooled expression of calm. It seemed as of late that the only peace I could find came from within. Our unique family had been met with so many challenges through out the years, that I’ve began to wonder if we aren’t breaking apart one pebble at a time.
I find it trying, odd, and reassuring that we are all under one roof again, for the time being. As I pause at the door, I find myself more confused than anything else. The tales that grandfather Splinter told my cousins and I, described four brothers, our fathers, as being close, acting and fighting as one to protect their small family.
Arguments of course happened, but nothing time and unconditional love could not cure. And yet as I stand here, my distorted reflection interrupted by a steaming tea pot, all I can feel are the emotional steel walls quartering each individual in my home. Perhaps unconditional love had somewhere along the way reached it’s limits.
I suppose Michelangelo was the most eager to once again be reunited with his brothers. I only wish that the others had shown as much enthusiasm and forgiveness. Raphael was genuinely pleased to see his younger brothers, especially since as head of our clan he was eager to see the next generation’s progress in their training. I was, gratefully, exempt from his scrutiny. Well, at least in the martial arts, I knew Raphael well enough to know that what I lacked in one area because of my health, I was expected to make up in others. I personally hoped I didn’t disappoint, he was not the most understanding of mutants. If all went according to my plans I would be as invisible as possible. His son, Ryuu, however, had a way of making me visible and his daughter, Dezerae, had a habit of making the visibility uncomfortable. If not for their mother, Mona, I wouldn’t survive their visit.
Michelangelo has his family too, younger than Raphael’s but just as tightly knit. His children’s curiosity prod them to approach me on occasion, usually when I am tuning my guitar and composing little twiddles that soothe our grandfather. When they stay with us or we with them, the youngest, May, will ask shyly if I would sing her a lullaby and the oldest, Lance, will pretend he’s not listening.
My father, Donatello, is a painful contradiction. Like father, like daughter, I’ll wager. My mother is no longer with us. Unlike the rest of my family, I have no human blood and I take after my mother’s alien race in looks. When we’d go out in public, my father was like a sentinel by my side warning off any who would think to approach me on terms other than friendship. I was and still am fragile. His overprotectiveness never wavered until a path that he’d long since buried represented itself once more.
It was no secret that before my father met my mother, he’d been in love with April O’Neil. It was also no secret that she had a soft spot in her heart for him, but Casey Jones ruined any hopes of their time together to progress to anything more than friendship. As life sometimes does, it threw us all a curve. Casey passed away suddenly due to heart complications. Come to find out later, it ran in the family. April was devastated and left to raise their child.
Grief loves company as I have observed. April and my father picked up where they left off and given the chance their relationship became one that healed. It took time, though it would never have been enough for me, they married and I had a new mother and a sister. It was then that looking at me must have reminded him of my mother and stirred feelings of guilt or sadness. April was quick to try and befriend me, but my usual tender heart could not help but feel betrayed and jealous as this woman swooped in and stole the affection and attention of my father. But I was not cruel, I simply remained aloof, for as much hurt as I was feeling, it had been too long since I had seen my father so happy. Who was I to ruin it? And with unspoken resignment, I allowed myself to simply drift away from this new life he had made for himself.
Of course he still fussed over my health, but it seemed that with his careful treatments through the years, I was growing stronger. For someone who’d been all but bed ridden the first half of her life, I should have rejoiced. Instead, I cried. It was one more thing that connected me to my father that disappeared. The coupe de grace was when April announced she was pregnant. I smiled and hugged her, offering my congratulations then went to my room and stared at the far wall. I wondered if my father was as excited as he was now when he discovered my mother was pregnant with me. Logically, it was an unfair comparison. Unfortunately, I’d never been one to deal well with logic.
It wasn’t until I met Leonardo that things started to look less bleak for me. I know nothing of his past other than circumstances placed him as a self-appointed outcast. He came to the family reunions only because of grandfather. The rest of the time, he wandered. Or at least that’s what I’ve been told, but looking at him, studying him said there was so much more to his story. The animosity that Raphael displayed openly was enough to get the dimmest of idiots asking questions. That animosity must have been contagious because with the exception of grandfather, no one seemed pleased at his presence, which was why I took on the task of bringing him his evening tea.
“Enter, Yuriko.”
I smiled, he always knew. I balanced the tray on my left hip and opened the door. The candles were all lit and the soft sent of incense calmed the tension in my body. I closed the door behind me and I set the tray on his low table. Quietly, I knelt and waited for him to finish meditating. I must have entered into my own rhythm of contemplation because it wasn’t until I felt a soft touch on my shoulder that I noticed Leonardo sat opposite of me.
He gave a ghost of a smile, “The water is getting cold.”
I got to work serving him and myself tea. It was my most cherished part of the day. To simply be in the company of someone who simply expected you to be yourself, even if you didn’t know who that was exactly. Sometimes we spoke, other times we merely enjoyed not being alone. Today, he wished to talk.
“Have you thought about my offer?”
Truth be told, I hadn’t ceased thinking about it. I nodded.
“And what have you decided?”
Suddenly the table became very interesting as I once again replayed his invitation in my mind. The consequences, the pros, the cons, the unknowns, everything, and still I found myself wanting to cast logic to the wind. It hadn’t won me any points in the past. But there was one concern.
“Leonardo, I have no previous training and my health is…uncertain at best and quite poor at worst. I don’t think I would make you a very good student.”
He quietly sipped his tea and his eyes narrowed in thought. He never answered immediately, I liked that he took my worries into account.
“Is that all?”
His question startled me. What else was there?
“Leaving your father and your family doesn’t weigh into your decision making?”
It was my turn to sample my own cup. Tea was excellent for biding for more time to think. Was he blind? Or just oblivious to the details of my family? Or did he simply wish to hear my view of things? Well, it wouldn’t do to lie. He could identify one a mile away.
“I doubt my leaving to train would upset anything.”
His eye ridge twitched. “I see.”
Then I added, “Except for the fact that it’s with you.”
A chuckle, bitter and low came from his side of the table. “Point taken.”
I looked down, regretting the bluntness of my words, but I’d reached a decision. I bowed to him, “Leonardo, it would be an honor to be your student.”
His eyes were a confusion of pride, hurt, amusement, and resolve. “Time will tell, Yuriko. And from now on, it’s sensei or Master Leonardo. Understood?”
I’d forgotten this part of training and something within me rebelled, until this moment we saw each other as equals. I swallowed it. He must have sensed my hesitation, so before I could cast any doubt on my being his student, I bowed again and said, “Hai, sensei.”
Satisfied, he finished his tea. “We leave day after tomorrow. Pack light.”
It was as good as a dismal, but there was one more thing that needed tending.
“Sensei? Your arm, I need to change the bandage and see if the stitches are ready to come out.”
He said nothing then nodded. Once again I found myself kneeling beside him, examining his wound. He didn’t say how he won it. He just hoped that someone would help him dress it when he arrived a week ago. He wasn’t excited about the prospect of sewing himself back together, but judging by his expression it was something that he’d done before.
I reached for the tools on the tray and began to remove the ten stitches that I had put in with care. After cleaning it once more I wrapped his arm with clean gauze.
“I don’t think it’ll scar,” Was all I had to offer before loading the tray up and heading back towards the direction I had come.
“You have the hands of a healer, just like Lirell.”
I nearly dropped everything. It had been so long since anyone had talked about my mother that I was beginning to believe she was some phantom conjured by my imagination.
“Sometimes I forget what she was like,” I hear myself whispering, “And sometimes I wonder if that’s what my father wants.”
“My brother has his way of dealing with his pain.” Leonardo stood and crossed the room gripping my shoulders with his strong hands. And for once I feel grounded and sure. “But sometimes that means hurting those who would be closest to him. I’m sorry that it’s you.”
I shake my head, “I’m not closest to him.”
He smiled and rested his forehead against mine, “You’ll see tomorrow when I announce your name as my student and apprentice.”
A part of me wished him to be right but I couldn’t give into that hope so I bowed and replied, “As you say, Master Leonardo.”
Leonardo was right to some degree. His announcement at breakfast certainly made for an interesting morning. It was the first time I’d ever heard dead silence around our kitchen table. In addition to letting everyone know I was his new student, he then added as casual as anything that we’d be leaving tomorrow.
A couple of things happened at once. Raphael threw his sai at my sensei’s head while Michelangelo shoved Leonardo out of the way. Mothers quickly ushered their children out of the room, myself excluded, and my father continued to stare me down from across the table as though I’d slapped him the face. Perhaps I had. Feeling myself wilting under his gaze, I concentrated on eating my breakfast.
Then grandfather entered the scene and soundly cuffed each son with his cane. They were to talk in his chambers and I wasn’t to go too far because Splinter wished to speak with me as well. With nothing better to do, I started clearing the table and began to make a dent in the dishes.
A green hand came into my field of vision and took a rinsed plate from me. Ryuu began to dry and put away.
“So, what’s goin’ on in that head of yours, Yuri?”
It was a fair enough question, but at that moment I lacked the courage to say. Was it so wrong to want to go away? To be with someone who didn’t make you feel like you didn’t belong?
“What do you care, big bro?” A wet towel cracked against my backside as Dezerae sauntered into the conversation. I yelped dropping a glass.
Ryuu, despite his size, was fast and caught it before it shattered. Just as quickly he grabbed his sister and torpedoed her out of the kitchen, “Beat it, Dez. I’m talkin’.”
When he came back I still wasn’t sure how to answer.
“C’mon, Yuri, we could always talk, you an’ me. What the heck can you learn from him that you can’t learn from one o’ us? Shell, Yuri, I didn’t even know you wanted to fight. I didn’t know you could!”
I shrugged, “Maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m just tired of everyone putting limitations on me. Maybe it’s nice to have someone believe that I can do the impossible for a change. He’s patient, Ryuu. Not something your dad is especially good at.” I handed him another plate, which he took.
“We’re a lot alike in some ways.”
Ryuu snorted.
“Nobody wants us around. So I thought I’d do the family a favor-“
I was whirled around by my shoulders so fast I nearly lost my breakfast and was met with dark amber eyes.
“Nobody wants HIM around, Yuri. He’s the black sheep, not you.”
I felt helpless as I looked at him, “Then why do I feel like one?” He didn’t have an answer so I continued. “I’m feeling better and even the tests show that I’m getting stronger. Sensei says he can help me build up some strength and training can’t do any harm. If I can’t handle it, I’ll come home and never mention it again. I just want to try and I want to get away. Ever since my mother died, I’ve felt alone. Like its selfish of me to want to talk about her and it’s a sin that I look like her. My father can’t look at me for two seconds without frowning, Ryuu. Dezerae enjoys torturing me any spare moment she can get. April is bending over backwards to make me feel part of the family and Michelangelo and the rest don’t know what to do with me. I’m tired, Ryuu. And I think that it would be for the best, if I just left for a little while. When sensei started coming to the reunions I felt that I finally had someone who understood and didn’t mind that I was broken or different.”
I handed him that last dish and he put it away.
After a moment, he sighed, “Geez, Yuri, is that how you think that I see you?”
I started braiding my hair out of nervous habit, “I don’t know, but its how I feel.”
“Ahem.”
We both looked to see April balancing my baby brother in her arms. “They want to see you now, Yuri.”
I nodded and made my way to my grandfather’s suite. April looked like she wanted to say something more but refrained and allowed me to pass. In the living room, Michelangelo was bouncing May on his lap and Mona was trying to calm Raphael who took that moment to send a nasty glare in my direction. My father stared listlessly at the TV screen and sensei merely nodded. Quite obviously grandfather wished to speak with me alone. I wished I could stop shaking and began to wonder if this was worth it. Taking a deep breath, I entered the room.
One thing about my grandfather was his ability to allow someone to come to him. It’s a skill he must have perfected through the years as a father and beloved grandfather. The breath I didn’t know I held was released with a whoosh. I had never been nervous speaking with Splinter. But his favor was the last I felt I had, to lose it would take what little surety I had and shatter it.
Light flickered and danced as a match was struck and a candle lit.
“Please, my granddaughter, come closer so that my eyes may see your face.”
I complied, gathering my thoughts around me like a shield. I was so close to being able to leave this confusion and frustration, if anyone could persuade me to stay, it was grandfather.
“You have concerned me for quite sometime, Yuriko. Since the passing of your mother, rarely do I see you smile. You have removed yourself from the rest of us, presenting only a shadow of what you once were. You have not grieved-“
“When was I supposed to!?” My anger shocked me, but not grandfather and once I started, I couldn’t stop. “I had to be strong for my father. It was bad enough that I was useless, that I was just another worry. I had to be the one that was sure everything would get better. And then Casey-“
I choked. I’d loved Casey and his clumsy attempts to make me laugh. He’d tell me stories about he and Raphael during their vigilante days. He even bought me my guitar and taught me the first few chords. When he came back a week later to see me composing my own songs, he swore up and down that I was Donnie’s kid through and through. It was the first time anyone had compared me to my father and I cherished it.
April and I were even friends then, she was like an aunt and little Shadow was ever underfoot exploring her new world. I was happy that they were happy, that someone was happy. It was a breath of fresh air, I so desperately needed. Then not to long after, we received the call of his passing. Splinter was right. I cried more for Casey than I did for my own mother. Maybe I hoped that I could mourn them both. But I guess I wasn’t ready to let my mother go. I had her for such a short time…
The rest of my memory was a blur. April and my father seeking comfort from their grief in each other, Shadow looking around wondering where her daddy was and sometimes throwing a tantrum because she was too young to understand but old enough to know something wasn’t right. I remember my father telling me or asking me, I don’t remember which, about remarrying. He saw my reluctance and tried to explain. I was too dead emotionally for explanations, but I wasn’t completely selfish. I could see a tentative joy in my father’s eyes, like he was afraid to be happy, like he was asking my permission to be so. I loved my father, dearly, so of course I gave him my support. But I needed his as well and he was stretching himself thin with April and Shadow and my medicinal needs. Then with April being pregnant, he couldn’t be there for me emotionally as well. I think that’s when I simply turned off and went through the motions of living, a mask of calm and indifference.
I didn’t realize I was crying until grandfather wiped away the stray tears.
“Yes, much has happened, my granddaughter, but you should know that you are not a burden, but a joy to this family. Ryuu, will miss you while you are gone and so shall I.”
I noticed he said nothing of my father. He must have read my thoughts.
“But Donatello, dear one, will be lost without you during your absence.”
It finally hit me, “You’re letting me go?”
He chuckled like crackling sandpaper on a whisper wind. “Hai, I believe that much good will come of this. Much needed healing and forgiveness. Not just for you, but for Leonardo as well.”
That brought a whole new perspective to the situation, one I hadn’t contemplated. “Grandfather, what-
He held up a paw gnarled and brittle with age, “My child, if you wish to know what transpired all those years ago, you must earn it, for even I do not know the complete story. Leonardo trusts so few anymore. Perhaps it is selfish of me to hope that while you are his student you will be able to find the son I lost and bring him home to me.”
It was like someone changed the prescription on the lens of my outlook on life. Everything became more detailed, more complex, and bigger than myself. I was almost overwhelmed, but just as equally determined. Stubbornness was a family trait, and it would appear that I wasn’t exempt.
I bowed from my waist in kneeling position. “I will do my best, ojii-san.”
He nodded, “That is all I can ask.”
As I packed, I felt as though I were in a dream. It wasn’t real yet, that I was leaving this place that held so much hurt and the only happiness it had to offer was so stale it did little to ease the ache. I sighed as I stared at the few things I thought I’d need. Correction, the few things that my sensei would allow me. My eyes lingered longingly upon the guitar Casey gave me six years ago.
“You should take it. An instrument like that was meant to be played. It won’t get much use if you leave it here.”
I swallowed as my father hovered uncertainly in my doorway. It felt like a canyon separated us and one false step would betray us to an ugly fall. This was going to be harder than I had anticipated. And here I thought goodbye was going to be the easiest part. The truth was nothing worth doing was ever easy. I closed the case and shoved it under the bed. No sense in going all soft now.
“If my sensei is anything like what grandfather tells in his stories or yours, we both no I won’t have the time or energy for it.” When I pushed myself up from my knees, I was startled to see my father had closed the space between us and he studied me as intensely as any one of his experiments.
He searched my eyes, for what, I don’t think I’ll ever know. A calloused hand, steady and sure brushed aside my hair and cupped my cheek. “When did you grow up, Yuriko? I swear, I was only distracted for a second and when I turned back around you had your bags backed.”
I looked away. We both knew he’d been distracted for far longer than a second.
“I guess I was tired of being a little kid.”
“You’ll get tired of being an adult too.”
“I can’t have it both ways, no one can.”
He nodded and at such close range I could see that his eyes were damp. “No, I suppose not.” He forced a smile, “But if I could offer advice based off observation, being a kid is much more enjoyable.”
My earliest memories mocked me. I watched from the couch or a bed as my family carried on their traditions and hobbies. I remembered my mother singing softly to me after I finished coughing up my own blood. I remembered the fear in my parents faces as they watched me struggle to find each breath, thinking that one would be my last. I remembered seeing the light spill out from under my father’s laboratory door at all hours of the night as he tried to find away to stabilize my erratic DNA. My own body had been at war with itself.
Now here I was as whole as I could ever hope to be, embarking on a part of my life that should have happened so much earlier and in the company of my so-called cousins. My experiences, my life, was past due.
“With all due respect, father. I disagree. You have made the decisions that have brought happiness to you and now it is time for me to do the same.”
Hurt was evident in his demeanor, but he pushed it aside and stood. “It won’t be the same without you.”
I shrugged, “I think you’ll be surprised to find there won’t be much difference.”
My breath left my lungs as I was crushed into a tight embrace, my father’s voice in my ears.
“Maybe I haven’t been as diligent as I should have in letting you know how much I love you, but everything I’ve ever done after your mother-my Lirell- passed away, was for you.”
I shook my head unable to believe and I was released. “No, father, you married April for yourself. Not for me.”
His face was painful, “You needed a mother.”
“I needed and wanted my father more!” I hated to ask, hated to part this way, but I needed to know. “Tell me father,” He looked at me at an utter loss, as though an equation he’d worked on for years, that made complete and utter sense, was suddenly and incomprehensibly jumbled. “When you married my mother, did you love her or were you simply trying to get over April?”
His reaction chilled me. Never had I seen him so empty. It was as though everything within him simply went blank. He stepped away as though he’d seen me for the first time and couldn’t believe what was before him. “Father was right, Yuriko, you have much to learn. I wish you well on your journey.” He bowed and was gone.
Somehow, I knew he’d answered my question, but it evaded me no matter how I pursued it and just as suddenly I felt as empty as my father.
I managed to steal a sandwich for a late lunch without bumping into anyone. I’d resolved to avoid any company. But instead of going to my room to claim my solitude, I headed towards the nursery to see my treasure. The door was open a crack and after making sure the room was empty, I slipped inside.
Soft light trickled through the curtains and rested on the crib where my half-brother slept. He was still small, just barely a month old.
It was decided to induce labor at seven and a half months once they discovered the turtle genes were dominant. If the baby grew any further, it would risk the life of mother and child. Something Michelango’s family had learned the hard way… As I ponder on it, our families were miracles. Auri, was a miracle. I wondered what it would be like to hold one.
Gently and with much care, I lifted the little bundle into my arms and sat in the rocking chair my father had made. There comes a certain comfort and awe in holding something so innocent and fragile. He smelled of baby lotion, powder, and soap. I loved it and drew in a deep breath. His skin was soft and his shell smooth and glassy. He was beautiful.
I was grateful that I could see nothing of April in him.
I lightly traced his bald green head and smiled as I began to hum to him as my mother had to me. It was a sweet lullaby without words. It didn’t need them, the tenderness and love was all in the melody. I missed her voice, but if I listened, I could hear her descant echoing in my heart .
Looking down at my brother, I saw two large, dark, almost black eyes staring back, my father’s eyes. He was awake, and studying me, and I him.
“Hello, Auri,” I murmured, “Have a nice nap?”
His only response was a wide yawn, eyes squished shut. And then as some babies do, he smiled. I know it wasn’t intentional; infants this young didn’t have much control over such things, but it was nice to believe otherwise. He stretched and fisted the air, resettled, and went back to sleep. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I remembered grandfather telling me that my father had slept far longer and deeper than his brothers. In view of hindsight, grandfather wished he’d let him sleep while he could. All nighters were my father’s specialty and I didn’t see them slowing down anytime soon. It made me wonder what kind of a future awaited Auri.
I placed a kiss on his head and moved to stand; only to freeze. April stood in the doorway, a hint of a smile, of hope on her face as she watched me with her son. My heart stopped. This was not a part of my goodbye plans.
“I just came to check on him. Does he need to be changed?”
I shook my head and in burst of panic, I quickly deposited him into his crib as though his touch was no longer appealing to me. I made to escape the awkwardness, but April caught me by the arm instead, holding me firm.
“Hey, slow down! Where’s the fire? You can stay, Yuriko, I won’t bite.”
As I looked into her green eyes, I couldn’t help but catch the double meaning and she couldn’t help but notice my reluctance. She sat and motioned for me to do so as well. Not having much choice in the matter, I did so.
“We haven’t had much time to talk.” April brought her hands to her face, eyes searching the room for a way to begin. Her hands came down and she turned towards me. “I can’t help but think I’m the reason you’re leaving with Leonardo.” When I neither confirmed nor denied her statement, she continued. “You used to play for us and sing, tell us stories... I guess I’m a little jealous of May and the private concerts she’s been getting lately.” Her eyes drifted to Auri, “It was nice to see you holding him, singing to him.” Her gaze came back to me. “Yuriko, I know things haven’t been ideal for you, for any of us really. But believe it or not, I want you to be happy. You were more a niece to me before you were ever my daughter. I cared about you then and worry and care about you now.” She paused for a moment. “I will never take the place of Lirell, I don’t want to, just as I would never expect your father to take Casey’s.”
I nodded stiffly, processing her words and remaining silent. She stood sighing and ran a gentle hand through my hair.
“Just like silk.” She kissed my forehead, “You’re going to be missed.” There was enough regret in her voice that I didn’t argue her sincerity. “Ryuu is looking for you.”
I nodded again and without looking back made a bee line for the tree house in the back woods. If Ryuu was indeed looking for me, he’d eventually wind up at our “castle.” At that moment, with everything clashing in my mind, I hoped he was already waiting for my arrival.
I almost didn’t make it. I’d pushed myself too hard in my desire to escape my own thoughts. Running, to me, was the closest thing to flying; I just had trouble breathing while doing so for more than a few minutes. My traitor body gave out and I collapsed to the ground wheezing, coughing, and crying in frustration at my weakness. Had I the air, I would have screamed at the sky. I settled for choking and shivering. It was only the beginning of spring, still too cold for one as sensitive as I. Why hadn’t I grabbed a jacket?
As if to answer my question, a coat that could swallow me whole dropped from seemingly nowhere and I was scooped from the ground into warm arms.
“Just breathe, Yuriko, I’ll take ya to yer ol’ man-“
“No!” I gasped. I needed time, to think, to sort, to regroup…to be with him. “Castle!”
Ryuu stopped and glared at me as though I were the most idiotic thing he’d laid eyes on. At that moment, he could have very well been right, but he knew I could be difficult if I so chose. He sighed, “Ya got ten minutes to start breathin’ normal or I knock ya out myself and drag ya back to da house, capiche?”
I nodded, put my arms around his broad shoulders, and tried to relax. In doing so, my breathing began to regulate. But it did nothing for the chill in the air as I began to shiver. He felt it.
“An’ that’s another thing, what da heck are ya doin’ without a coat!? Y’know what the cold does to us.” I was spared another lecture as the tree and rope ladder came into view. “Think ya can climb?”
“Yes!” I snapped and squirmed out of his grasp. It wasn’t the brightest of actions as I swayed on my feet.
He grinned, “Sure ya can climb, but I meant without fallin’ off.”
He meant it in jest but it only added hurt to injury and I cried. I didn’t necessarily know the exact reason why I was crying, neither did he, but we both must have felt it was over due. He didn’t try to stop me and I didn’t try to stop myself. His arms were around me once again and I leaned into the strength they offered me.
I felt like my resolve was waning. Maybe I should reconsider and stay and train with Ryuu. He was fast approaching the title Master. He knew my limitations. We were close… I hadn’t even left and here I was homesick. It didn’t make sense, but then I guess most things don’t.
I still wanted to leave, more than anything, I just didn’t want to go alone. For as much time as I spent with Leonardo, we were strangers. And after speaking with grandfather, my unease only continued to grow.
Yes, I hated the situation I was in. Yes, I was hurting inside and out because of my father. Yes, I was angry with April, at life in general. But I counted Ryuu and Auri amongst the good in my life and standing here, right now, was reminding me that in less than twenty four hours time, I’d be leaving them behind to embrace the unknown. I was terrified.
“C’mon, let’s go up and get outta dis wind. Then we can talk.”
I couldn’t argue as he scooped me up once more and began to climb. It didn’t take long and we were inside. Ryuu built this place with his father. And because Ryuu was always outside and refused to come in out of the elements, Raphael put in windows and insulation so that in the winter he didn’t need to worry about finding his son’s frozen corpse. Ryuu was much like his father, a loner, strong, and independent. The main house was too small for his wander lust. But when it came to family, he dropped everything and came running at ramming speed. Another characteristic won from Raphael, one that I admired.
“Ya ain’t sure if ya wanna leave.”
It wasn’t a question and I was becoming uncomfortable with just how well Ryuu could read me. I could fool anyone, but Ryuu always had some odd sixth sense concerning me.
“Yer dad’s been asking about you for a while, but I didn’t say nuthin.’ Cuz I wasn’t sure what was wrong m’self. Ya’ve been actin’ weird ever since Leonardo came into town.” He growled and lashed his tail, “Yer always actin’ strange when he’s around. An’ I don’t like the way he looks at you.”
This surprised me. As far as I knew, my sensei observed me the same he observed anyone, with suspicion and caution. Why Ryuu was being so protective baffled me. I rested my head, buzzing with complicated thoughts, on his shoulder as he covered us both with a blanket.
“You’re being silly.” I was trying to lighten the mood but he was having none of it.
“No, I’m not, Yuri! He looks at you like a man looks at a glass of water after he’s been trudging through the desert for a week!”
Needless to say I was becoming uncomfortable and annoyed. If I didn’t know any better I’d say…
“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”
He tilted my head up to look at him, his fire brown eyes welding into mine. “Yeah, I am. Every time he comes around ya drop everythin’ and become his personal gopher. Ya forget about everyone and lock yerself in yer own little world. This is the first we’ve really talked since he’s got here. I’m jealous cause he’s always stealin’ you away, figuratively speakin’ and now he’s doin’ it literally!”
I tried to gather something in my defense but I was coming up empty handed. I hung my head, he was right. “No one else wishes to keep him company or speak with him, or even be in the same room with him. I don’t know what he did, but I don’t think the way our clan treats him is justified.” I paused in my defense to see if I’d be allowed to continue. I took courage that I was still in one piece and plowed on.
“Besides, I like listening to his stories, his voice is so compelling and he’s been so many places. He’s intelligent, strong, graceful and…” I stopped myself from continuing upon seeing Ryuu fidget and clenching his fists.
He laughed; a low and un-amused sound. “Well, this is just perfect. You don’t see he’s a threat ‘cuz yer too damn busy bein’ infatuated with ‘im! I wonder if he planned that?”
His accusations startled as well as angered me. “And you are so busy being jealous that you are conjuring things that aren’t there! I am going with Master Leonardo whether you like it or not!” I’d certainly regained my resolve. “ And, I will be an excellent pupil and a great ninjitsu warrior when my training has ended!”
Ryuu was on his feet and half way to the door before he turned, eyes smoldering, “We’ll just see about that.”
My blood ran cold as he disappeared from the landing. Surely there was nothing he could do to keep me from leaving with Leonardo. I already had grandfather’s blessing…didn’t I?
The dull pad of my stockinged feet fell limp on my ears as I continued to balance bandages and tea on the metal tray. My reflection blinked back at me with a schooled expression of calm. It seemed as of late that the only peace I could find came from within. Our unique family had been met with so many challenges through out the years, that I’ve began to wonder if we aren’t breaking apart one pebble at a time.
I find it trying, odd, and reassuring that we are all under one roof again, for the time being. As I pause at the door, I find myself more confused than anything else. The tales that grandfather Splinter told my cousins and I, described four brothers, our fathers, as being close, acting and fighting as one to protect their small family.
Arguments of course happened, but nothing time and unconditional love could not cure. And yet as I stand here, my distorted reflection interrupted by a steaming tea pot, all I can feel are the emotional steel walls quartering each individual in my home. Perhaps unconditional love had somewhere along the way reached it’s limits.
I suppose Michelangelo was the most eager to once again be reunited with his brothers. I only wish that the others had shown as much enthusiasm and forgiveness. Raphael was genuinely pleased to see his younger brothers, especially since as head of our clan he was eager to see the next generation’s progress in their training. I was, gratefully, exempt from his scrutiny. Well, at least in the martial arts, I knew Raphael well enough to know that what I lacked in one area because of my health, I was expected to make up in others. I personally hoped I didn’t disappoint, he was not the most understanding of mutants. If all went according to my plans I would be as invisible as possible. His son, Ryuu, however, had a way of making me visible and his daughter, Dezerae, had a habit of making the visibility uncomfortable. If not for their mother, Mona, I wouldn’t survive their visit.
Michelangelo has his family too, younger than Raphael’s but just as tightly knit. His children’s curiosity prod them to approach me on occasion, usually when I am tuning my guitar and composing little twiddles that soothe our grandfather. When they stay with us or we with them, the youngest, May, will ask shyly if I would sing her a lullaby and the oldest, Lance, will pretend he’s not listening.
My father, Donatello, is a painful contradiction. Like father, like daughter, I’ll wager. My mother is no longer with us. Unlike the rest of my family, I have no human blood and I take after my mother’s alien race in looks. When we’d go out in public, my father was like a sentinel by my side warning off any who would think to approach me on terms other than friendship. I was and still am fragile. His overprotectiveness never wavered until a path that he’d long since buried represented itself once more.
It was no secret that before my father met my mother, he’d been in love with April O’Neil. It was also no secret that she had a soft spot in her heart for him, but Casey Jones ruined any hopes of their time together to progress to anything more than friendship. As life sometimes does, it threw us all a curve. Casey passed away suddenly due to heart complications. Come to find out later, it ran in the family. April was devastated and left to raise their child.
Grief loves company as I have observed. April and my father picked up where they left off and given the chance their relationship became one that healed. It took time, though it would never have been enough for me, they married and I had a new mother and a sister. It was then that looking at me must have reminded him of my mother and stirred feelings of guilt or sadness. April was quick to try and befriend me, but my usual tender heart could not help but feel betrayed and jealous as this woman swooped in and stole the affection and attention of my father. But I was not cruel, I simply remained aloof, for as much hurt as I was feeling, it had been too long since I had seen my father so happy. Who was I to ruin it? And with unspoken resignment, I allowed myself to simply drift away from this new life he had made for himself.
Of course he still fussed over my health, but it seemed that with his careful treatments through the years, I was growing stronger. For someone who’d been all but bed ridden the first half of her life, I should have rejoiced. Instead, I cried. It was one more thing that connected me to my father that disappeared. The coupe de grace was when April announced she was pregnant. I smiled and hugged her, offering my congratulations then went to my room and stared at the far wall. I wondered if my father was as excited as he was now when he discovered my mother was pregnant with me. Logically, it was an unfair comparison. Unfortunately, I’d never been one to deal well with logic.
It wasn’t until I met Leonardo that things started to look less bleak for me. I know nothing of his past other than circumstances placed him as a self-appointed outcast. He came to the family reunions only because of grandfather. The rest of the time, he wandered. Or at least that’s what I’ve been told, but looking at him, studying him said there was so much more to his story. The animosity that Raphael displayed openly was enough to get the dimmest of idiots asking questions. That animosity must have been contagious because with the exception of grandfather, no one seemed pleased at his presence, which was why I took on the task of bringing him his evening tea.
“Enter, Yuriko.”
I smiled, he always knew. I balanced the tray on my left hip and opened the door. The candles were all lit and the soft sent of incense calmed the tension in my body. I closed the door behind me and I set the tray on his low table. Quietly, I knelt and waited for him to finish meditating. I must have entered into my own rhythm of contemplation because it wasn’t until I felt a soft touch on my shoulder that I noticed Leonardo sat opposite of me.
He gave a ghost of a smile, “The water is getting cold.”
I got to work serving him and myself tea. It was my most cherished part of the day. To simply be in the company of someone who simply expected you to be yourself, even if you didn’t know who that was exactly. Sometimes we spoke, other times we merely enjoyed not being alone. Today, he wished to talk.
“Have you thought about my offer?”
Truth be told, I hadn’t ceased thinking about it. I nodded.
“And what have you decided?”
Suddenly the table became very interesting as I once again replayed his invitation in my mind. The consequences, the pros, the cons, the unknowns, everything, and still I found myself wanting to cast logic to the wind. It hadn’t won me any points in the past. But there was one concern.
“Leonardo, I have no previous training and my health is…uncertain at best and quite poor at worst. I don’t think I would make you a very good student.”
He quietly sipped his tea and his eyes narrowed in thought. He never answered immediately, I liked that he took my worries into account.
“Is that all?”
His question startled me. What else was there?
“Leaving your father and your family doesn’t weigh into your decision making?”
It was my turn to sample my own cup. Tea was excellent for biding for more time to think. Was he blind? Or just oblivious to the details of my family? Or did he simply wish to hear my view of things? Well, it wouldn’t do to lie. He could identify one a mile away.
“I doubt my leaving to train would upset anything.”
His eye ridge twitched. “I see.”
Then I added, “Except for the fact that it’s with you.”
A chuckle, bitter and low came from his side of the table. “Point taken.”
I looked down, regretting the bluntness of my words, but I’d reached a decision. I bowed to him, “Leonardo, it would be an honor to be your student.”
His eyes were a confusion of pride, hurt, amusement, and resolve. “Time will tell, Yuriko. And from now on, it’s sensei or Master Leonardo. Understood?”
I’d forgotten this part of training and something within me rebelled, until this moment we saw each other as equals. I swallowed it. He must have sensed my hesitation, so before I could cast any doubt on my being his student, I bowed again and said, “Hai, sensei.”
Satisfied, he finished his tea. “We leave day after tomorrow. Pack light.”
It was as good as a dismal, but there was one more thing that needed tending.
“Sensei? Your arm, I need to change the bandage and see if the stitches are ready to come out.”
He said nothing then nodded. Once again I found myself kneeling beside him, examining his wound. He didn’t say how he won it. He just hoped that someone would help him dress it when he arrived a week ago. He wasn’t excited about the prospect of sewing himself back together, but judging by his expression it was something that he’d done before.
I reached for the tools on the tray and began to remove the ten stitches that I had put in with care. After cleaning it once more I wrapped his arm with clean gauze.
“I don’t think it’ll scar,” Was all I had to offer before loading the tray up and heading back towards the direction I had come.
“You have the hands of a healer, just like Lirell.”
I nearly dropped everything. It had been so long since anyone had talked about my mother that I was beginning to believe she was some phantom conjured by my imagination.
“Sometimes I forget what she was like,” I hear myself whispering, “And sometimes I wonder if that’s what my father wants.”
“My brother has his way of dealing with his pain.” Leonardo stood and crossed the room gripping my shoulders with his strong hands. And for once I feel grounded and sure. “But sometimes that means hurting those who would be closest to him. I’m sorry that it’s you.”
I shake my head, “I’m not closest to him.”
He smiled and rested his forehead against mine, “You’ll see tomorrow when I announce your name as my student and apprentice.”
A part of me wished him to be right but I couldn’t give into that hope so I bowed and replied, “As you say, Master Leonardo.”
Leonardo was right to some degree. His announcement at breakfast certainly made for an interesting morning. It was the first time I’d ever heard dead silence around our kitchen table. In addition to letting everyone know I was his new student, he then added as casual as anything that we’d be leaving tomorrow.
A couple of things happened at once. Raphael threw his sai at my sensei’s head while Michelangelo shoved Leonardo out of the way. Mothers quickly ushered their children out of the room, myself excluded, and my father continued to stare me down from across the table as though I’d slapped him the face. Perhaps I had. Feeling myself wilting under his gaze, I concentrated on eating my breakfast.
Then grandfather entered the scene and soundly cuffed each son with his cane. They were to talk in his chambers and I wasn’t to go too far because Splinter wished to speak with me as well. With nothing better to do, I started clearing the table and began to make a dent in the dishes.
A green hand came into my field of vision and took a rinsed plate from me. Ryuu began to dry and put away.
“So, what’s goin’ on in that head of yours, Yuri?”
It was a fair enough question, but at that moment I lacked the courage to say. Was it so wrong to want to go away? To be with someone who didn’t make you feel like you didn’t belong?
“What do you care, big bro?” A wet towel cracked against my backside as Dezerae sauntered into the conversation. I yelped dropping a glass.
Ryuu, despite his size, was fast and caught it before it shattered. Just as quickly he grabbed his sister and torpedoed her out of the kitchen, “Beat it, Dez. I’m talkin’.”
When he came back I still wasn’t sure how to answer.
“C’mon, Yuri, we could always talk, you an’ me. What the heck can you learn from him that you can’t learn from one o’ us? Shell, Yuri, I didn’t even know you wanted to fight. I didn’t know you could!”
I shrugged, “Maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m just tired of everyone putting limitations on me. Maybe it’s nice to have someone believe that I can do the impossible for a change. He’s patient, Ryuu. Not something your dad is especially good at.” I handed him another plate, which he took.
“We’re a lot alike in some ways.”
Ryuu snorted.
“Nobody wants us around. So I thought I’d do the family a favor-“
I was whirled around by my shoulders so fast I nearly lost my breakfast and was met with dark amber eyes.
“Nobody wants HIM around, Yuri. He’s the black sheep, not you.”
I felt helpless as I looked at him, “Then why do I feel like one?” He didn’t have an answer so I continued. “I’m feeling better and even the tests show that I’m getting stronger. Sensei says he can help me build up some strength and training can’t do any harm. If I can’t handle it, I’ll come home and never mention it again. I just want to try and I want to get away. Ever since my mother died, I’ve felt alone. Like its selfish of me to want to talk about her and it’s a sin that I look like her. My father can’t look at me for two seconds without frowning, Ryuu. Dezerae enjoys torturing me any spare moment she can get. April is bending over backwards to make me feel part of the family and Michelangelo and the rest don’t know what to do with me. I’m tired, Ryuu. And I think that it would be for the best, if I just left for a little while. When sensei started coming to the reunions I felt that I finally had someone who understood and didn’t mind that I was broken or different.”
I handed him that last dish and he put it away.
After a moment, he sighed, “Geez, Yuri, is that how you think that I see you?”
I started braiding my hair out of nervous habit, “I don’t know, but its how I feel.”
“Ahem.”
We both looked to see April balancing my baby brother in her arms. “They want to see you now, Yuri.”
I nodded and made my way to my grandfather’s suite. April looked like she wanted to say something more but refrained and allowed me to pass. In the living room, Michelangelo was bouncing May on his lap and Mona was trying to calm Raphael who took that moment to send a nasty glare in my direction. My father stared listlessly at the TV screen and sensei merely nodded. Quite obviously grandfather wished to speak with me alone. I wished I could stop shaking and began to wonder if this was worth it. Taking a deep breath, I entered the room.
One thing about my grandfather was his ability to allow someone to come to him. It’s a skill he must have perfected through the years as a father and beloved grandfather. The breath I didn’t know I held was released with a whoosh. I had never been nervous speaking with Splinter. But his favor was the last I felt I had, to lose it would take what little surety I had and shatter it.
Light flickered and danced as a match was struck and a candle lit.
“Please, my granddaughter, come closer so that my eyes may see your face.”
I complied, gathering my thoughts around me like a shield. I was so close to being able to leave this confusion and frustration, if anyone could persuade me to stay, it was grandfather.
“You have concerned me for quite sometime, Yuriko. Since the passing of your mother, rarely do I see you smile. You have removed yourself from the rest of us, presenting only a shadow of what you once were. You have not grieved-“
“When was I supposed to!?” My anger shocked me, but not grandfather and once I started, I couldn’t stop. “I had to be strong for my father. It was bad enough that I was useless, that I was just another worry. I had to be the one that was sure everything would get better. And then Casey-“
I choked. I’d loved Casey and his clumsy attempts to make me laugh. He’d tell me stories about he and Raphael during their vigilante days. He even bought me my guitar and taught me the first few chords. When he came back a week later to see me composing my own songs, he swore up and down that I was Donnie’s kid through and through. It was the first time anyone had compared me to my father and I cherished it.
April and I were even friends then, she was like an aunt and little Shadow was ever underfoot exploring her new world. I was happy that they were happy, that someone was happy. It was a breath of fresh air, I so desperately needed. Then not to long after, we received the call of his passing. Splinter was right. I cried more for Casey than I did for my own mother. Maybe I hoped that I could mourn them both. But I guess I wasn’t ready to let my mother go. I had her for such a short time…
The rest of my memory was a blur. April and my father seeking comfort from their grief in each other, Shadow looking around wondering where her daddy was and sometimes throwing a tantrum because she was too young to understand but old enough to know something wasn’t right. I remember my father telling me or asking me, I don’t remember which, about remarrying. He saw my reluctance and tried to explain. I was too dead emotionally for explanations, but I wasn’t completely selfish. I could see a tentative joy in my father’s eyes, like he was afraid to be happy, like he was asking my permission to be so. I loved my father, dearly, so of course I gave him my support. But I needed his as well and he was stretching himself thin with April and Shadow and my medicinal needs. Then with April being pregnant, he couldn’t be there for me emotionally as well. I think that’s when I simply turned off and went through the motions of living, a mask of calm and indifference.
I didn’t realize I was crying until grandfather wiped away the stray tears.
“Yes, much has happened, my granddaughter, but you should know that you are not a burden, but a joy to this family. Ryuu, will miss you while you are gone and so shall I.”
I noticed he said nothing of my father. He must have read my thoughts.
“But Donatello, dear one, will be lost without you during your absence.”
It finally hit me, “You’re letting me go?”
He chuckled like crackling sandpaper on a whisper wind. “Hai, I believe that much good will come of this. Much needed healing and forgiveness. Not just for you, but for Leonardo as well.”
That brought a whole new perspective to the situation, one I hadn’t contemplated. “Grandfather, what-
He held up a paw gnarled and brittle with age, “My child, if you wish to know what transpired all those years ago, you must earn it, for even I do not know the complete story. Leonardo trusts so few anymore. Perhaps it is selfish of me to hope that while you are his student you will be able to find the son I lost and bring him home to me.”
It was like someone changed the prescription on the lens of my outlook on life. Everything became more detailed, more complex, and bigger than myself. I was almost overwhelmed, but just as equally determined. Stubbornness was a family trait, and it would appear that I wasn’t exempt.
I bowed from my waist in kneeling position. “I will do my best, ojii-san.”
He nodded, “That is all I can ask.”
As I packed, I felt as though I were in a dream. It wasn’t real yet, that I was leaving this place that held so much hurt and the only happiness it had to offer was so stale it did little to ease the ache. I sighed as I stared at the few things I thought I’d need. Correction, the few things that my sensei would allow me. My eyes lingered longingly upon the guitar Casey gave me six years ago.
“You should take it. An instrument like that was meant to be played. It won’t get much use if you leave it here.”
I swallowed as my father hovered uncertainly in my doorway. It felt like a canyon separated us and one false step would betray us to an ugly fall. This was going to be harder than I had anticipated. And here I thought goodbye was going to be the easiest part. The truth was nothing worth doing was ever easy. I closed the case and shoved it under the bed. No sense in going all soft now.
“If my sensei is anything like what grandfather tells in his stories or yours, we both no I won’t have the time or energy for it.” When I pushed myself up from my knees, I was startled to see my father had closed the space between us and he studied me as intensely as any one of his experiments.
He searched my eyes, for what, I don’t think I’ll ever know. A calloused hand, steady and sure brushed aside my hair and cupped my cheek. “When did you grow up, Yuriko? I swear, I was only distracted for a second and when I turned back around you had your bags backed.”
I looked away. We both knew he’d been distracted for far longer than a second.
“I guess I was tired of being a little kid.”
“You’ll get tired of being an adult too.”
“I can’t have it both ways, no one can.”
He nodded and at such close range I could see that his eyes were damp. “No, I suppose not.” He forced a smile, “But if I could offer advice based off observation, being a kid is much more enjoyable.”
My earliest memories mocked me. I watched from the couch or a bed as my family carried on their traditions and hobbies. I remembered my mother singing softly to me after I finished coughing up my own blood. I remembered the fear in my parents faces as they watched me struggle to find each breath, thinking that one would be my last. I remembered seeing the light spill out from under my father’s laboratory door at all hours of the night as he tried to find away to stabilize my erratic DNA. My own body had been at war with itself.
Now here I was as whole as I could ever hope to be, embarking on a part of my life that should have happened so much earlier and in the company of my so-called cousins. My experiences, my life, was past due.
“With all due respect, father. I disagree. You have made the decisions that have brought happiness to you and now it is time for me to do the same.”
Hurt was evident in his demeanor, but he pushed it aside and stood. “It won’t be the same without you.”
I shrugged, “I think you’ll be surprised to find there won’t be much difference.”
My breath left my lungs as I was crushed into a tight embrace, my father’s voice in my ears.
“Maybe I haven’t been as diligent as I should have in letting you know how much I love you, but everything I’ve ever done after your mother-my Lirell- passed away, was for you.”
I shook my head unable to believe and I was released. “No, father, you married April for yourself. Not for me.”
His face was painful, “You needed a mother.”
“I needed and wanted my father more!” I hated to ask, hated to part this way, but I needed to know. “Tell me father,” He looked at me at an utter loss, as though an equation he’d worked on for years, that made complete and utter sense, was suddenly and incomprehensibly jumbled. “When you married my mother, did you love her or were you simply trying to get over April?”
His reaction chilled me. Never had I seen him so empty. It was as though everything within him simply went blank. He stepped away as though he’d seen me for the first time and couldn’t believe what was before him. “Father was right, Yuriko, you have much to learn. I wish you well on your journey.” He bowed and was gone.
Somehow, I knew he’d answered my question, but it evaded me no matter how I pursued it and just as suddenly I felt as empty as my father.
I managed to steal a sandwich for a late lunch without bumping into anyone. I’d resolved to avoid any company. But instead of going to my room to claim my solitude, I headed towards the nursery to see my treasure. The door was open a crack and after making sure the room was empty, I slipped inside.
Soft light trickled through the curtains and rested on the crib where my half-brother slept. He was still small, just barely a month old.
It was decided to induce labor at seven and a half months once they discovered the turtle genes were dominant. If the baby grew any further, it would risk the life of mother and child. Something Michelango’s family had learned the hard way… As I ponder on it, our families were miracles. Auri, was a miracle. I wondered what it would be like to hold one.
Gently and with much care, I lifted the little bundle into my arms and sat in the rocking chair my father had made. There comes a certain comfort and awe in holding something so innocent and fragile. He smelled of baby lotion, powder, and soap. I loved it and drew in a deep breath. His skin was soft and his shell smooth and glassy. He was beautiful.
I was grateful that I could see nothing of April in him.
I lightly traced his bald green head and smiled as I began to hum to him as my mother had to me. It was a sweet lullaby without words. It didn’t need them, the tenderness and love was all in the melody. I missed her voice, but if I listened, I could hear her descant echoing in my heart .
Looking down at my brother, I saw two large, dark, almost black eyes staring back, my father’s eyes. He was awake, and studying me, and I him.
“Hello, Auri,” I murmured, “Have a nice nap?”
His only response was a wide yawn, eyes squished shut. And then as some babies do, he smiled. I know it wasn’t intentional; infants this young didn’t have much control over such things, but it was nice to believe otherwise. He stretched and fisted the air, resettled, and went back to sleep. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I remembered grandfather telling me that my father had slept far longer and deeper than his brothers. In view of hindsight, grandfather wished he’d let him sleep while he could. All nighters were my father’s specialty and I didn’t see them slowing down anytime soon. It made me wonder what kind of a future awaited Auri.
I placed a kiss on his head and moved to stand; only to freeze. April stood in the doorway, a hint of a smile, of hope on her face as she watched me with her son. My heart stopped. This was not a part of my goodbye plans.
“I just came to check on him. Does he need to be changed?”
I shook my head and in burst of panic, I quickly deposited him into his crib as though his touch was no longer appealing to me. I made to escape the awkwardness, but April caught me by the arm instead, holding me firm.
“Hey, slow down! Where’s the fire? You can stay, Yuriko, I won’t bite.”
As I looked into her green eyes, I couldn’t help but catch the double meaning and she couldn’t help but notice my reluctance. She sat and motioned for me to do so as well. Not having much choice in the matter, I did so.
“We haven’t had much time to talk.” April brought her hands to her face, eyes searching the room for a way to begin. Her hands came down and she turned towards me. “I can’t help but think I’m the reason you’re leaving with Leonardo.” When I neither confirmed nor denied her statement, she continued. “You used to play for us and sing, tell us stories... I guess I’m a little jealous of May and the private concerts she’s been getting lately.” Her eyes drifted to Auri, “It was nice to see you holding him, singing to him.” Her gaze came back to me. “Yuriko, I know things haven’t been ideal for you, for any of us really. But believe it or not, I want you to be happy. You were more a niece to me before you were ever my daughter. I cared about you then and worry and care about you now.” She paused for a moment. “I will never take the place of Lirell, I don’t want to, just as I would never expect your father to take Casey’s.”
I nodded stiffly, processing her words and remaining silent. She stood sighing and ran a gentle hand through my hair.
“Just like silk.” She kissed my forehead, “You’re going to be missed.” There was enough regret in her voice that I didn’t argue her sincerity. “Ryuu is looking for you.”
I nodded again and without looking back made a bee line for the tree house in the back woods. If Ryuu was indeed looking for me, he’d eventually wind up at our “castle.” At that moment, with everything clashing in my mind, I hoped he was already waiting for my arrival.
I almost didn’t make it. I’d pushed myself too hard in my desire to escape my own thoughts. Running, to me, was the closest thing to flying; I just had trouble breathing while doing so for more than a few minutes. My traitor body gave out and I collapsed to the ground wheezing, coughing, and crying in frustration at my weakness. Had I the air, I would have screamed at the sky. I settled for choking and shivering. It was only the beginning of spring, still too cold for one as sensitive as I. Why hadn’t I grabbed a jacket?
As if to answer my question, a coat that could swallow me whole dropped from seemingly nowhere and I was scooped from the ground into warm arms.
“Just breathe, Yuriko, I’ll take ya to yer ol’ man-“
“No!” I gasped. I needed time, to think, to sort, to regroup…to be with him. “Castle!”
Ryuu stopped and glared at me as though I were the most idiotic thing he’d laid eyes on. At that moment, he could have very well been right, but he knew I could be difficult if I so chose. He sighed, “Ya got ten minutes to start breathin’ normal or I knock ya out myself and drag ya back to da house, capiche?”
I nodded, put my arms around his broad shoulders, and tried to relax. In doing so, my breathing began to regulate. But it did nothing for the chill in the air as I began to shiver. He felt it.
“An’ that’s another thing, what da heck are ya doin’ without a coat!? Y’know what the cold does to us.” I was spared another lecture as the tree and rope ladder came into view. “Think ya can climb?”
“Yes!” I snapped and squirmed out of his grasp. It wasn’t the brightest of actions as I swayed on my feet.
He grinned, “Sure ya can climb, but I meant without fallin’ off.”
He meant it in jest but it only added hurt to injury and I cried. I didn’t necessarily know the exact reason why I was crying, neither did he, but we both must have felt it was over due. He didn’t try to stop me and I didn’t try to stop myself. His arms were around me once again and I leaned into the strength they offered me.
I felt like my resolve was waning. Maybe I should reconsider and stay and train with Ryuu. He was fast approaching the title Master. He knew my limitations. We were close… I hadn’t even left and here I was homesick. It didn’t make sense, but then I guess most things don’t.
I still wanted to leave, more than anything, I just didn’t want to go alone. For as much time as I spent with Leonardo, we were strangers. And after speaking with grandfather, my unease only continued to grow.
Yes, I hated the situation I was in. Yes, I was hurting inside and out because of my father. Yes, I was angry with April, at life in general. But I counted Ryuu and Auri amongst the good in my life and standing here, right now, was reminding me that in less than twenty four hours time, I’d be leaving them behind to embrace the unknown. I was terrified.
“C’mon, let’s go up and get outta dis wind. Then we can talk.”
I couldn’t argue as he scooped me up once more and began to climb. It didn’t take long and we were inside. Ryuu built this place with his father. And because Ryuu was always outside and refused to come in out of the elements, Raphael put in windows and insulation so that in the winter he didn’t need to worry about finding his son’s frozen corpse. Ryuu was much like his father, a loner, strong, and independent. The main house was too small for his wander lust. But when it came to family, he dropped everything and came running at ramming speed. Another characteristic won from Raphael, one that I admired.
“Ya ain’t sure if ya wanna leave.”
It wasn’t a question and I was becoming uncomfortable with just how well Ryuu could read me. I could fool anyone, but Ryuu always had some odd sixth sense concerning me.
“Yer dad’s been asking about you for a while, but I didn’t say nuthin.’ Cuz I wasn’t sure what was wrong m’self. Ya’ve been actin’ weird ever since Leonardo came into town.” He growled and lashed his tail, “Yer always actin’ strange when he’s around. An’ I don’t like the way he looks at you.”
This surprised me. As far as I knew, my sensei observed me the same he observed anyone, with suspicion and caution. Why Ryuu was being so protective baffled me. I rested my head, buzzing with complicated thoughts, on his shoulder as he covered us both with a blanket.
“You’re being silly.” I was trying to lighten the mood but he was having none of it.
“No, I’m not, Yuri! He looks at you like a man looks at a glass of water after he’s been trudging through the desert for a week!”
Needless to say I was becoming uncomfortable and annoyed. If I didn’t know any better I’d say…
“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”
He tilted my head up to look at him, his fire brown eyes welding into mine. “Yeah, I am. Every time he comes around ya drop everythin’ and become his personal gopher. Ya forget about everyone and lock yerself in yer own little world. This is the first we’ve really talked since he’s got here. I’m jealous cause he’s always stealin’ you away, figuratively speakin’ and now he’s doin’ it literally!”
I tried to gather something in my defense but I was coming up empty handed. I hung my head, he was right. “No one else wishes to keep him company or speak with him, or even be in the same room with him. I don’t know what he did, but I don’t think the way our clan treats him is justified.” I paused in my defense to see if I’d be allowed to continue. I took courage that I was still in one piece and plowed on.
“Besides, I like listening to his stories, his voice is so compelling and he’s been so many places. He’s intelligent, strong, graceful and…” I stopped myself from continuing upon seeing Ryuu fidget and clenching his fists.
He laughed; a low and un-amused sound. “Well, this is just perfect. You don’t see he’s a threat ‘cuz yer too damn busy bein’ infatuated with ‘im! I wonder if he planned that?”
His accusations startled as well as angered me. “And you are so busy being jealous that you are conjuring things that aren’t there! I am going with Master Leonardo whether you like it or not!” I’d certainly regained my resolve. “ And, I will be an excellent pupil and a great ninjitsu warrior when my training has ended!”
Ryuu was on his feet and half way to the door before he turned, eyes smoldering, “We’ll just see about that.”
My blood ran cold as he disappeared from the landing. Surely there was nothing he could do to keep me from leaving with Leonardo. I already had grandfather’s blessing…didn’t I?
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Anxiety Sucks
Darkwing flew through the small apartment and into the back room. His eyes fell on the young woman in the bed. "Now you've done it!"He scolded as he advanced and laid a hand on her forehead, checked her tongue, her pulse, counted her fingers and proceeded to her toes.
"Knock it off, DW. I'm fine."
"Of course you are, that's why you had an anxiety attack." The mallard chided dryly. "How much sleep have you been getting?"
"Like you're one to talk, "she muttered. At his glare she answered, "I've been getting enough. Eight hours last night!"
"Eating?"
"Like a bottomless pit."
"Water intake?"
"Could be better."
He put a liter in her hand. "Drink up. Regular exercise?"
She took a swig and groaned, "I plead the fifth."
His eyebrows shot skyward, "Uh huh."
"I don't even know if it was an anxiety attack you meddling mallard." It was said half heartedly.
He chuckled, "You're handing out insults, that's a good sign. How are you feeling now?"
"Annoyed, a little drained, and my chest still feels a kinda tight."
"Annoyed?"
"Yeah, I haven't had one of these since Brazil. Kinda weird that it just happens out of the blue."
DW stretched and replied, "You've had a lot on your plate, missy. You got to try and relax."
Megan eyed him warily.
"What?"
"Are you ill? I mean that piece of advice is coming from the most stressed to kill guy I know."
He raised a finger, "Actually that would be my supreme nemesis, Negaduck."
"Nah, he's just a sociopath bent on destruction for kicks and giggles."
DW deadpanned, "Thanks ever so for you observations."
She smiled sweetly, "Anytime!"
He tried to stay serious but ended up caving into a grin. "Just get some rest kiddo. And think about going to that meeting on Saturday. I think it'll do you some good."
She saluted, "Yessir, Mr. Duck, sir!"
He jutted out his lower jaw and tapped her nose, "Don't push it."
"Knock it off, DW. I'm fine."
"Of course you are, that's why you had an anxiety attack." The mallard chided dryly. "How much sleep have you been getting?"
"Like you're one to talk, "she muttered. At his glare she answered, "I've been getting enough. Eight hours last night!"
"Eating?"
"Like a bottomless pit."
"Water intake?"
"Could be better."
He put a liter in her hand. "Drink up. Regular exercise?"
She took a swig and groaned, "I plead the fifth."
His eyebrows shot skyward, "Uh huh."
"I don't even know if it was an anxiety attack you meddling mallard." It was said half heartedly.
He chuckled, "You're handing out insults, that's a good sign. How are you feeling now?"
"Annoyed, a little drained, and my chest still feels a kinda tight."
"Annoyed?"
"Yeah, I haven't had one of these since Brazil. Kinda weird that it just happens out of the blue."
DW stretched and replied, "You've had a lot on your plate, missy. You got to try and relax."
Megan eyed him warily.
"What?"
"Are you ill? I mean that piece of advice is coming from the most stressed to kill guy I know."
He raised a finger, "Actually that would be my supreme nemesis, Negaduck."
"Nah, he's just a sociopath bent on destruction for kicks and giggles."
DW deadpanned, "Thanks ever so for you observations."
She smiled sweetly, "Anytime!"
He tried to stay serious but ended up caving into a grin. "Just get some rest kiddo. And think about going to that meeting on Saturday. I think it'll do you some good."
She saluted, "Yessir, Mr. Duck, sir!"
He jutted out his lower jaw and tapped her nose, "Don't push it."
Friday, May 9, 2008
The Forgotten World (Avatar:The Last Airbender)
A plot bunny that's been bothering me for a while. It's rough, but I'm too lazy and tired to revise it today. Enjoy!
The Forgotten World
Aang flew with heavy heart from Ba Sing Sei. It seemed that when he was younger and with his traveling companions everything was brighter. Granted, they were hunted for various reasons and they had a comet of doom and a crazy fire nation princess against them, but he had a purpose. He had friends and a family of sorts. Everyone was so eager for the war to be over so that they could move on to happier times, fulfill the dreams they only dared, until that moment, keep locked deep with in their hearts in a cell right next to hope.
As it happened, he defeated Ozi. He and his friends, a small group of ragtag rebels and children really, won. It was a bittersweet day as freedom was once again celebrated but an undertow of consciousness reminding them that the work for peace and restoration of balance had just begun.
At first, there was a lot of negotiating and flying back and forth between nations. As Avatar, this was his duty, but when he visited Katara on a borrowed moment of time, she practically grounded him from all Avatar duties and sent him to bed. He was told later that she threatened anyone who tried to disturb him with forty lashes from her own water whip. Even Sokka echoed her sentiments and when he woke up, three days later, the young water tribe man had a plan.
It was simplistic and so utterly obvious that Aang just gaped for five minutes. The plan was to have ambassadors from each nation come to him. And of course, he already had his ambassadors in mind. Zuko was busy being Firelord and keeping his divided kingdom from utterly destroying itself. But May and Tai Lee were sent. Katara and Sokka volunteered to be alternating representatives of their water tribe, while Master Pakku and upcoming pupils represented the north. King Bumi up until recently acted as ruler and ambassador. Aang didn’t know how he did it at his age, but he figured if anyone was crazy enough to pull it off, it was Bumi.
His heart ached thinking of his friend who had passed on into another world. It wasn’t just for the passing of a friend, but the passing of an era. Few lived to be as old as Bumi, even fewer remembered the world before the war. In a way, Aang felt as though he had lost the last thread of his identity and was closing a chapter on his past, his life that would never again be reopened. At least with Bumi, he had someone with whom he could reminisce, to reassure him that it was indeed reality and not just some far-fetched dream.
His home was with Katara. Granted, he was still a nomad at heart, but visiting the empty Air Temples and their tattered remains made him feel hollow. It was a problem weighing heavy on his mind. How could balance ever be restored without the Air Nomads? Without his people? The Avatar Cycle would continue at least three more generations before coming full circle again. Then what? If he married and had children, there was no guarantee that they would be airbenders. Nothing was written in stone. Was this nature’s way of retiring the Avatar or was there something he was missing?
Appa landed on the icy shores of the Southern Water tribe city, and was promptly swarmed with children. Even Aang was buried under their over affection. He couldn’t remain melancholy for long and laughed out loud over their enthusiasm. The tribe had long since accepted him as their own and they never let him forget it. Despite the cold climate, the southern water tribe was a warm hearted people, a giant family happily rubbing shoulders and content to squish just one more into their sheltering embrace. For that, Aang was grateful.
“Aang!” Someone cried out and threw their arms around him. He returned the embrace awkwardly as children darted in and out from under his feet. Katara pulled away her face gentle, “How was it?”
He scooped a child vying for attention into his arms before answering. A small smile graced his lips. “It was another goodbye.”
“Up higher!” His passenger demanded, “Like Appa!”
“Alright.” Aang grinned and tossed the little boy into the air with some bending.
The boy whooped and squealed enjoying the moment of being weightless before gravity stole him back to the awaiting arms of the young Avatar. “Again!” He cried a bit breathless.
“Oh no, young sir!” Grey eyes zeroed in on whom he assumed to be the boy’s mother. She was by comparison only a few years older than Katara. “I’m sorry, Avatar Aang. But this one needs a bath.”
The boy in his arms looked at him face alight with horror. “Save me!” He pleaded.
Aang’s face was one of sympathy as he apologized, “Sorry, but I learned along time ago never to come between a mother and her child. Besides, you wouldn’t want a Molebear to pick up your scent, would you?”
If it were possible the boy’s eyes became even larger as he dove into his mother’s arms. “Let’s go let’s go let’s go! I don’t want the Molebears to smell me!” The woman was hiding a smile as she was being dragged to their home. Soon others came looking for their wandering wards, leaving Aang alone with Katara.
She took his hand and walked. He appreciated her knowing he didn’t want to talk about Bumi. When they reached their favorite spot to overlook the ocean, she sighed. Out of habit he was immediately concerned.
“What’s wrong?” he asked settling next to her.
She started, looking directly into his face and blushed. “Nothing’s wrong. At least, I don’t think there is.”
Aang’s voice grew stern, “Katara.”
She giggled and nudged him with her shoulder. “Don’t worry, it has nothing to do with me.”
“Sokka?” He ventured.
“No.” She reassured, then frowned, “ I didn’t want to say anything until you had a chance to…get acquainted with having to say goodbye.”
“I’m as acquainted as I’m ever going to get.”
Katara nodded and plunged ahead. “It’s Zuko.”
He felt a pit open in the bottom of his stomach. “What about him?” He expected the worst.
“He wants to meet with you, at his palace. I don’t think it has anything to do with politics, but the fact that his uncle came to deliver the message himself, I’d say it’s important.”
Aang was on his feet in an instant. “Iroh is here?”
“Calm down. He’s resting at the moment.” Katara smiled. “You should have seen him when he arrived. Sleep deprived for certain but still a picture of politeness and charm. He and my father had a good laugh over tea before we sent him to bed. You should be able to talk with him in the morning.”
He sat once more and took her hand. She squeezed in response as she stole a glance at his profile.
Reaching up she wiped away his tears.
“I miss him,” he choked, throwing his arms around her and burying his face into her neck. “I miss them. I miss them all!”
Katara’s hug was fierce as she simply let him grieve. It would probably be the first and last time that he would be able to mourn so openly. His reputation as the Avatar preceded him. Too many allowed his title to be all they saw. But Katara saw him as Aang and for now, that was all he needed.
~~~~~~~~~
May came into the candlelit chamber and yawned. “I thought I’d find you here.”
Zuko glanced up giving a ghost of a smile, “You’re not turning into a know-it-all are you?
The stoic girl gave a noncommittal noise and came to stand beside his chair. “What are you looking for anyway?”
He sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose. “You know how the fire nation keeps records of its victories?”
“Yeah, so?”
“So, I’m looking through records dating back to when the war started.”
She paused trying to see how any of this was relevant. “Okay, I’m lost.”
“I’m reading through the raids on the Air Nomads. I refuse to believe that as resourceful as they seem to have been that they were all wiped out.”
May frowned more than usual and gently laid a hand on his shoulder. “And what if they were?”
Zuko rubbed his sore neck. “You know me, May. I don’t chase smoke unless I’m sure there’s a fire.” He gestured to a very old piece of scroll. “Read for yourself.”
She squinted as she deciphered the more formal language. “It’s a report from a General Minzhe. Hmm, no one I remember from history class.”
“Keep reading,” Zuko ordered.
She did so. “He writes that the casualty count on the enemy side kept fluctuating. At first, he didn’t pay it any mind but after he killed a nomad he was sure he killed the day previous, they started to tally the dead.”
“They could never come up with an agreeing number. A few days after the initial raid, they found tunnels that led from some of the rooms in the women’s and children’s quarters. When they tried to explore the system, there was a cave in and the entire company was lost.”
May remained thoughtful picking up on where the he was going. “Except for what we learned in school, we don’t have any records or proof that the genocide mission was a success.”
“Or that it wasn't a complete lie all together.” The young fire lord added. “Avatar Aang told me there were remains of his people in some of the temples, but not in all of them and not enough to convince me that the Fire Nation achieved their goal.”
“So, the question is, where have they been hiding all these years?”
Zuko grinned, “You’re convinced then?”
“You’ve piqued my interest.”
“Wonders never cease.”
“Shut up, Zuko.”
The Forgotten World
Aang flew with heavy heart from Ba Sing Sei. It seemed that when he was younger and with his traveling companions everything was brighter. Granted, they were hunted for various reasons and they had a comet of doom and a crazy fire nation princess against them, but he had a purpose. He had friends and a family of sorts. Everyone was so eager for the war to be over so that they could move on to happier times, fulfill the dreams they only dared, until that moment, keep locked deep with in their hearts in a cell right next to hope.
As it happened, he defeated Ozi. He and his friends, a small group of ragtag rebels and children really, won. It was a bittersweet day as freedom was once again celebrated but an undertow of consciousness reminding them that the work for peace and restoration of balance had just begun.
At first, there was a lot of negotiating and flying back and forth between nations. As Avatar, this was his duty, but when he visited Katara on a borrowed moment of time, she practically grounded him from all Avatar duties and sent him to bed. He was told later that she threatened anyone who tried to disturb him with forty lashes from her own water whip. Even Sokka echoed her sentiments and when he woke up, three days later, the young water tribe man had a plan.
It was simplistic and so utterly obvious that Aang just gaped for five minutes. The plan was to have ambassadors from each nation come to him. And of course, he already had his ambassadors in mind. Zuko was busy being Firelord and keeping his divided kingdom from utterly destroying itself. But May and Tai Lee were sent. Katara and Sokka volunteered to be alternating representatives of their water tribe, while Master Pakku and upcoming pupils represented the north. King Bumi up until recently acted as ruler and ambassador. Aang didn’t know how he did it at his age, but he figured if anyone was crazy enough to pull it off, it was Bumi.
His heart ached thinking of his friend who had passed on into another world. It wasn’t just for the passing of a friend, but the passing of an era. Few lived to be as old as Bumi, even fewer remembered the world before the war. In a way, Aang felt as though he had lost the last thread of his identity and was closing a chapter on his past, his life that would never again be reopened. At least with Bumi, he had someone with whom he could reminisce, to reassure him that it was indeed reality and not just some far-fetched dream.
His home was with Katara. Granted, he was still a nomad at heart, but visiting the empty Air Temples and their tattered remains made him feel hollow. It was a problem weighing heavy on his mind. How could balance ever be restored without the Air Nomads? Without his people? The Avatar Cycle would continue at least three more generations before coming full circle again. Then what? If he married and had children, there was no guarantee that they would be airbenders. Nothing was written in stone. Was this nature’s way of retiring the Avatar or was there something he was missing?
Appa landed on the icy shores of the Southern Water tribe city, and was promptly swarmed with children. Even Aang was buried under their over affection. He couldn’t remain melancholy for long and laughed out loud over their enthusiasm. The tribe had long since accepted him as their own and they never let him forget it. Despite the cold climate, the southern water tribe was a warm hearted people, a giant family happily rubbing shoulders and content to squish just one more into their sheltering embrace. For that, Aang was grateful.
“Aang!” Someone cried out and threw their arms around him. He returned the embrace awkwardly as children darted in and out from under his feet. Katara pulled away her face gentle, “How was it?”
He scooped a child vying for attention into his arms before answering. A small smile graced his lips. “It was another goodbye.”
“Up higher!” His passenger demanded, “Like Appa!”
“Alright.” Aang grinned and tossed the little boy into the air with some bending.
The boy whooped and squealed enjoying the moment of being weightless before gravity stole him back to the awaiting arms of the young Avatar. “Again!” He cried a bit breathless.
“Oh no, young sir!” Grey eyes zeroed in on whom he assumed to be the boy’s mother. She was by comparison only a few years older than Katara. “I’m sorry, Avatar Aang. But this one needs a bath.”
The boy in his arms looked at him face alight with horror. “Save me!” He pleaded.
Aang’s face was one of sympathy as he apologized, “Sorry, but I learned along time ago never to come between a mother and her child. Besides, you wouldn’t want a Molebear to pick up your scent, would you?”
If it were possible the boy’s eyes became even larger as he dove into his mother’s arms. “Let’s go let’s go let’s go! I don’t want the Molebears to smell me!” The woman was hiding a smile as she was being dragged to their home. Soon others came looking for their wandering wards, leaving Aang alone with Katara.
She took his hand and walked. He appreciated her knowing he didn’t want to talk about Bumi. When they reached their favorite spot to overlook the ocean, she sighed. Out of habit he was immediately concerned.
“What’s wrong?” he asked settling next to her.
She started, looking directly into his face and blushed. “Nothing’s wrong. At least, I don’t think there is.”
Aang’s voice grew stern, “Katara.”
She giggled and nudged him with her shoulder. “Don’t worry, it has nothing to do with me.”
“Sokka?” He ventured.
“No.” She reassured, then frowned, “ I didn’t want to say anything until you had a chance to…get acquainted with having to say goodbye.”
“I’m as acquainted as I’m ever going to get.”
Katara nodded and plunged ahead. “It’s Zuko.”
He felt a pit open in the bottom of his stomach. “What about him?” He expected the worst.
“He wants to meet with you, at his palace. I don’t think it has anything to do with politics, but the fact that his uncle came to deliver the message himself, I’d say it’s important.”
Aang was on his feet in an instant. “Iroh is here?”
“Calm down. He’s resting at the moment.” Katara smiled. “You should have seen him when he arrived. Sleep deprived for certain but still a picture of politeness and charm. He and my father had a good laugh over tea before we sent him to bed. You should be able to talk with him in the morning.”
He sat once more and took her hand. She squeezed in response as she stole a glance at his profile.
Reaching up she wiped away his tears.
“I miss him,” he choked, throwing his arms around her and burying his face into her neck. “I miss them. I miss them all!”
Katara’s hug was fierce as she simply let him grieve. It would probably be the first and last time that he would be able to mourn so openly. His reputation as the Avatar preceded him. Too many allowed his title to be all they saw. But Katara saw him as Aang and for now, that was all he needed.
~~~~~~~~~
May came into the candlelit chamber and yawned. “I thought I’d find you here.”
Zuko glanced up giving a ghost of a smile, “You’re not turning into a know-it-all are you?
The stoic girl gave a noncommittal noise and came to stand beside his chair. “What are you looking for anyway?”
He sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose. “You know how the fire nation keeps records of its victories?”
“Yeah, so?”
“So, I’m looking through records dating back to when the war started.”
She paused trying to see how any of this was relevant. “Okay, I’m lost.”
“I’m reading through the raids on the Air Nomads. I refuse to believe that as resourceful as they seem to have been that they were all wiped out.”
May frowned more than usual and gently laid a hand on his shoulder. “And what if they were?”
Zuko rubbed his sore neck. “You know me, May. I don’t chase smoke unless I’m sure there’s a fire.” He gestured to a very old piece of scroll. “Read for yourself.”
She squinted as she deciphered the more formal language. “It’s a report from a General Minzhe. Hmm, no one I remember from history class.”
“Keep reading,” Zuko ordered.
She did so. “He writes that the casualty count on the enemy side kept fluctuating. At first, he didn’t pay it any mind but after he killed a nomad he was sure he killed the day previous, they started to tally the dead.”
“They could never come up with an agreeing number. A few days after the initial raid, they found tunnels that led from some of the rooms in the women’s and children’s quarters. When they tried to explore the system, there was a cave in and the entire company was lost.”
May remained thoughtful picking up on where the he was going. “Except for what we learned in school, we don’t have any records or proof that the genocide mission was a success.”
“Or that it wasn't a complete lie all together.” The young fire lord added. “Avatar Aang told me there were remains of his people in some of the temples, but not in all of them and not enough to convince me that the Fire Nation achieved their goal.”
“So, the question is, where have they been hiding all these years?”
Zuko grinned, “You’re convinced then?”
“You’ve piqued my interest.”
“Wonders never cease.”
“Shut up, Zuko.”
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